Grey area....

There are a lot of confusions in my head about you. All I can say is that I have less confidence in myself and in you day by day. I am not sure if you still have the feeling towards me or not. I am afraid that I am just being ‘syok sendiri’ right here, thinking about you. I know I should have confidence in myself. I know I shouldn’t think that way. Man, how to get rid of it?? How am I going to hold on for such a long period of not seeing you? Are you doing fine there? How am I going to tell you how much I wanted to see you and talk to you? That is why I hate to have a free slot. I hate to not doing anything. I hate it so much because I will think of you. Ironically, I am glad because of you. Sometimes, I don’t understand what I really want from you.

Honestly, I am afraid because you are totally a different guy. You told me you are the kind of guy that doesn’t keep in touch with your girlfriend. And I remember that you said this more than once. I know you are this type of guy. However, when I reflect back after a little advice, or what I called SHARING SESSION, from my friends, questions start to pop up. And here comes the grey area. “Does he really like you?” I didn’t know what the answer is. Well, I don’t know. At that time, I was so afraid because since I entered college, there is no sign of you contacting me. Not even once. Not even once…. When you have free time, do you think of me? Do you ever bother to care about me? You’ve said be confident with your man. Honestly, at first, I am. Now, I don’t know.

Despite all the silly feelings that I have, I lift our relationship up to my beloved Father. I pray that no matter what is coming ahead; I know it is a process for me to endure. A tiny pain to experience though. Whether it will be fruitful or not, I don’t know. But I believe, He has plan for us.