Think too much

Am I the only one who think too much? I really don't feel that he really will going to be my Hello Kitty. When I think about how stupid I am to cry just because I miss him so much, there was a reminder that told me I am not supposed to. In the message, he wrote " I miss you". I am so happy to know that. I thought I will be content and will not be greedy. I know we are just simply friends. But i guess I don't treat him as my friend. I start to care about him. I start to think about him day and night. At the same time, I keep reminding myself that i should not step off the limit. We are just friends not more than that. I remember that i will always remind myself everytime and everywhere that I must not fall for him. Now I do.

However, as time pass, I start to become greedy even though we are just friends. I wanted him to become more gentleman and treat me as he treats a princess. I was really happy even just a simple things that he had done for me. I really appreciate it so much. But I don't know why I expect a lot from him day by day. Am I too childish? And one time that he really broke my little heart was, when he said he will going to ask The Question to me that night but he didn't. I was too naive to believe him.At the time I waited him to came in the room and asked, I was too excited and nervous. But In the end, nothing happened. I really blamed him for that. We just had a simple chat then he sang to me. His voice is impressive. He is very talented. Later he didn't gave me an explanation. Till one day, I asked him about the reason then he answered me by texting me. He told me that he was not brave enough to ask me that question. And that was supremely lame. However, I can't force him too. All I will do is give him more time. And at the same time, I have to wait. He said he won't let me wait that long. Indeed it is not long, but I feel like have been waiting for a very long time. It really test me to endure the tiny pain. I informed that I gave him time till next year. Do you think I really mean that? You don't know how I wish to hear it from him as soon as possible.

Furthermore, he never ring me through phone. Yes, he did. That was when I told him that I don't have credit. Why he has to be like that? Is it because when we talked in phone, the telephone bill will increased or because you don't know what to chat in the phone? How I really wish he can call me once a day or something. Again, I expect all unnecessary things from him which I know that is too much. I know I am so greedy and particular. But I still know that we are just friends. I am not qualify to voice it out to him. I have to hold on.

Another incident that he made me really happy was when he was willing to visit my dad in the hospital. I remember that time he was busy like hell but he still willing to spend his spare time for me. I was so happy and touched. When I want to introduced him to my parents, I really want to tell them that he is my boyfriend. But sadly, he is not. In my tiny heart, he is already my Hello kitty.

I easily will be jealous about little things. I told him before. When I know that he asked another girl (his friend) for a dinner, I felt uneasy. I felt like killing people. Last last she told me that, he did not only asked her alone to have dinner with him but a group of his friends. Then i felt relief.

Everytime when I went out with him, I was actually waiting him to ask me That Question. He maybe know or pretending as if he don't know anything.

Another thing that worried me was, he text me and ask whether I trust him or not. I gave the answer which states that ' i trust u. but u muz make me feel secure.actually i am afraid to trust ppl that i trust because the risk is too high....' and now he doesn't reply me at all. i waited for his message for 3 hours yet no reply. I am afraid he lose trust in me..or is he sleepy?

From now, I will learned to be patience because I am afraid to loose him one day.