Firstly, my studies.... I think I can do well in my upcoming examination. A final examination in this foundation programme... Honestly, I've read what need to be read... I've done what I should do to pass in the exam.... but I know these are not enough... I need to do more, I need to read more, learn more and discover more about my course.. I love to study because this is my job.... I am bounded to study especially English... I know that when I study or revising, I can't and I won't be able to absorb and understand the content if not with the wisdom of God. I know I can't do it with my own effort and ability but need the blessings for my parent and lectures....
One thing for sure is during this foundation programme, I've improved just a bit. Just a little bit....OH NO....now i am regretting...I am quite nervous because I have no idea what is going to come out in the exam....I am afraid of writing part...I really suck because I did not work hard.... I will be saved if I read a lot now?? Yes, I definitely will...
About my relationship with Adrian, I would love to pause this feeling for a while... because I want to focus on my studies and my family... he is still very special to me but I believe God has plan for us... I don't dare to say much because I want to put my trust in God's plan... I want to say Yes to God.... I want to be his instrument to serve the people...
No matter what happen to us, Adrian, you are always the best guy ever....To make it short, although we are separating now, it never change my feeling for you... I will keep it that way...
Here comes the most important part....
My relationship with God...
My relationship with him is always on and off. I think I've said this for a couple of times already and never manage to constantly in love with God. If I love God, I would step out of my comfort zone in order to spend time with him. Too bad, I often fail to please him. But I am trying my best to please him by helping others... doing what is right as well....
Dear God, am I being selfish to other people? Was I being selfish towards Adrian?
Honestly, I was. I know it after the damage is done... Why was I being so selfish? I could have lost this wonderful guy in my life....
Is there any suitable man out there that you have prepared for Adrian and I ? or are we meant for each other? Or this is a matter of time for us to be separated?
I really have no clue at all...
Oh God, continue to grand me strength to live my life and not wasted it because every moment is precious... and dear God, what is the purpose of living? What is my purpose and my mission in this world? Use me Lord to do your will... When you called me back to you, at least I can face you happily....XD
Dear God, I really am very thankful and grateful because I am using my time very happily (not wisely)for one whole week while staying in the hostel despite the feeling of loneliness and insecure.
Thank you for always be there for me... thank you for your love and graces as well.... thank you for my lovely friends and family.... thank you for the food too... most important of all thank you for your great love....
Adrian, I will always remember you and I will keep you in my prayer.... I am really sorry for disappointing you and making you sad... to know the fact that I was loved by another person, I am blessed. You are also loved by me, just that you have no trust in me...
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